First, all terms used herein are subject to interpretation in different ways by different people. There is much disagreement about terms. But there is agreement about one thing. We do what we do for mutual enjoyment. What I am giving here are my definitions for these terms. Many may disagree, and many others will agree.

D/s is Dominance and submission. To me it's an overall category for the areas known as Bondage and Discipline (B & D), and Sadism and Masochism (S & M). For others, BDSM is the umbrella term, and D/s is a small part of it.

Certain people in the world, because of their chemical makeup and/or life experiences, have learned to enjoy pain in an erotic situation. Some prefer being tied up, wrapped in plastic wrap, treated like robots or furniture, made into willing slaves, or anyone of a number of other things. Others of us have, because of life experiences and/or chemical makeup, have learned to enjoy giving pain in an erotic situation. Or we have learned to enjoy controlling another in one of the other situations mentioned above. If we are talking about giving or receiving pain, that's S & M. The other things described fall into the category of B & D. It's always consensual, otherwise it's not for mutual enjoyment.

The bottom, or submissive, or masochist, (they can mean the same thing, but can also mean different things), has ultimate control in most cases. They usually have a safeword that can stop anything the top, or dominant, or sadist, (they can mean the same thing, but again, do not have to), is doing. Most of what you read in the popular press about D/s is not accurate. It's bywords in most cases are "Safe, Sane, and Consensual".

There are some VERY experienced players who play without safewords, but that is not advised for anyone new to the scene, or anyone without a lot of experience in the scene. I will not play without them. Night Spirit has been in the scene for 20+ years, and I have been in it for 15, yet we both still use safewords. We use three: RED = Stop right now, something is seriously wrong, find out what, YELLOW = Slow down or change direction, it’s getting too intense, and GREEN = I’m ok, go to it!

One should NEVER play without an extensive negotiation beforehand. Things to be discussed are what will happen, how, when, where, and why. The books, "Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns" and "SM: 101" both have samples of pre-negotiation agreements.

Safe and Sane are both subject to much debate. There is some risk to almost everything you do each day. Simply getting out of bed in the morning can be dangerous. So you must asses the risks here for yourself. The only thing I can say here, is be realistic.

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This is only my opinion, which does not mean it is right or wrong. To me, D/s and BDSM is a lifestyle that I have chosen. First off no one is forcing me to be what I am. It is a life choice for me, I do not wear the Owner's name on my tag or sig lines, I don't go online using only lower case letters but this is me no matter what signs I wear. I know who and what I am. I see this lifestyle as freedom, which sounds silly to some as I am chained to the bed nightly. But I sleep better knowing; I am loved and cared for.

In my life I am owned by GrandPa DeSade, which means I gave him--me. Body, soul and heart. I know above all else and no matter what he loves me, protects me, desires me and needs me as much as I need him. I see this lifestyle as very loving.

I see consent on both our parts, I consent to him having control over my life. We discussed before we began (and have since amended it) limits, what is ok, what is not. Of course things change with time, some things I said "NO WAY" to at one time--I kind of like, now. It helps to have a partner who listens and eases me into something new.

D/s means Dominance and submission.

To me it means one gives up the control and submits to the other who dominates the relationship. BDSM is Bondage & Discipline, Sadism & Masochism.

• Bondage is of course restricting movement by chains, ropes, locks, spreader bar, etc.
• Discipline is chosen by a Dom, it can be a part of training. Sets of guidelines are laid out by the Dom for the sub to fulfill. Discipline may be needed to enforce the Dom's rules.
• Sadist is one who gets pleasure from others experiencing pain (mind you only consensual pain, all the Sadists I know do NOT get off by tummy aches and dentist visits by their subs).
• Masochist is someone who loves pain and gets off on it, (other than belly aches, etc.).

I am lucky as a Sadomasochist switch I live it all. I sometimes refer to myself as "Goddess to most, property or slave to one" As property to GrandPa DeSade (who is a sadist) I get some wonderful treatment. I am a SAM (smart assed masochist) and he loves to put naughty SAMs in their place.

The lifestyle choice may not be 24/7 like it is for us. (24/7 means 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, or full time.) Some do it only on weekends, at parties, in the bedroom, online or wherever they can. Once again I am lucky I practice what I preach 24/7, I am D/s, I am BDSM, I am happy, and I am loved.

D/s is a choice, and for me, it is the only choice.