How To Be A Smart-Assed Sadist
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Hang a weed whacker on the wall of your dungeon
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Leave sexually unsatisfied masochist alone in dungeon for twenty minutes, to discover that the batteries in _every_ vibrator are _almost_ dead
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Dangle a four-inch cock-ring from your epaulette. (Even better for Scary Butch Lesbian Tops, since it *might* be true!)
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Wear a blank purple sash to Living In Leather. When asked what it means, politely refuse to comment, other than, "If you have to ask ... well, never mind."
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Gag your masochist. Go to washroom. Do an entire, DEADLY serious scene with four feet of toilet paper dangling from the back of of your waistband.
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Wear denim chaps over leather pants.
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Have a biker's jacket and chaps made for you
in robin's-egg-blue polyester double knit. Festoon with gold accessories. If
modesty requires, a tasteful padded codpiece in pink fake fur with tasteful
seed-pearls would be the perfect added touch.
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Always speak in the third person.
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Have special pants made, so you can flag in
the middle.
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Buy an invisible dog leash. Bend it
appropriately and take it to an event. Make sure to introduce your slave
politely.
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Always carry a rubber chicken. (Nod to Davo)
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Find a mysterious, ominous looking object at a
garage sale. Always carry it in your toy bag, but refuse to use it, because
those present "Just Aren't Heavy Enough."
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Wire the knots.
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Do a hot glue scene.
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Require your sub to keep their pubic hair no
more than a quarter-inch in length. Butch-waxed. Insist on measuring.
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Get a hairless cat. (there are such.) Point to
it as evidence that you are consistent in requiring all pussies to be shaved.
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Ride a Vespa to events.
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Habitually munch jalapeno peppers.
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Carry one or two calentes for people who
insist on dick sizing your pepper fetish.
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Take a large toy bag to events and leave it
unattended, containing several lovely toys, all liberally coated with poison ivy
extract.
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