“I don’t know if I’m sexual or if I’m spiritual; all I know is that when I’m coming I say: ‘Oh God, Oh God,” said a friend of mine at a spirituality in sexuality workshop recently. (Footnote: It was actually at a Level 4 Sex, Love and Intimacy workshop with HAI, the Human Awareness Institute)

That is sexuality and spirituality in a nutshell. Not too many of us get closer to spirituality than through sexuality. And the most ascetic Buddhist monks know that spirituality lies behind sensuality, which is why the oriental temples are festooned with colors and awash in incense and chants. So we like black and the sound of floggers and the moans of submissives to get there. (Another footnote: Microsoft Word does not recognize floggers or submissives! And somebody said Bill Gates plays and is a bottom?)

What a wonderful panel our dedicated program director had arranged for us. Lady Sidara, who had started these panels when she was program chair, set the tone by lighting three red candles. She calls herself an Aphrodite ritualist and in her act of lighting the candles, she set the tone. For her the lit candles demark the ritual space, allow her to tune and the red glow surrounds her with love.

Thus she creates Goddess energy, especially the mother Goddess energy of Venus who in ancient time was honored through sexuality only to find herself downgraded to slut in modern times. The red glow of the candles invites for Lady Sidara the energy of love, beauty and creativity into a scene. She honors the feminine as sacred and asks her playmates to join her in the transformation of darkness (i.e. the sadomasochistic headspace) into an experience that is bonding.

She may take someone to where they want to go, into pain, to bleeding, an experience that is bonding between the two people, all powerful. The candle hold the space that allows for fetishism, for mummification or whatever the play.

Sidara was very moving when she said that our community is not holy. We hold a lot of judgments; but at the same time we do all hold the space for each other in the expression of our sexuality. She pointed out how coming out into SM can be healing and the power that SM has to heal especially those early life wounds. (Certainly been true in my case. I never felt so unconditionally loved as when reduced to a heap of crying, sniveling misery and allowed to be who I was).

Part of the spirituality in SM for Sidara is also the psychological, emotional, intimate bonding we experience during play. Janis was the next speaker. She recently wrote the article on Janus and the early origins of the Saturnalia in the GP, (which I can’t find right now). She came to us from Hawaii where she’s practiced Advaita Buddhism for sixteen years and studied Hinduism.

Since she sees Advaita Buddhist teachings to be about bondage and suffering, she find the scene the most concrete expression of it, with a little twist of humor. Buddhist monks meditate in a cemetery to learn the finiteness of their existence and therefore not to take themselves too seriously.

To her playing a scene is playing with concept of our human suffering. Play also allows the darkside to emerge. She works on moving the energy through her chakras, purifying it. Basically for Janis play is about maintaining humor in the midst of death. Her spirituality in play consists of learning not to take suffering or life too seriously.

Bill from Service of Mankind Church has his spirituality imprinted by the catholic schools, lying spread-eagle on the ground facing the Virgin Mary on the wall. Now I know why you need to submit. Makes perfect sense to me. Bill talked about how much time spent on his knees, with his pants down receiving his punishments for the girls to see and add to the humiliation.

He is purifying those early experiences with the rituals at SMC now. He talked about the Hindu Goddess Kali standing on Shiva who surrenders and how the best dominant can’t be very dominant without a submissive. He sees man surrendering to the female energy and how that act is a transformation. He explained how to him SM stands for Shakti Meditation or Surrender Meditation, and figuratively S being a runic lightning bolt and M representing the yoni.

Robin, also from SMC, where she is sometimes a ritual priestess, said she had seen women transformed through taking on their power in SM play. She clearly stated that despite those transformative experiences, she believes that spirituality has a will of its own and cannot be forced into a scene. A point well taken.

Race Bannon was really happy Robin had given that lead in. He said there could not be an assumption that an SM player will automatically experience a spiritual moment. He questioned the definition of spirituality. Is it an ecstatic experience, an endorphin rush or a feeling that you are omnipotent?

He believes in a much more practical definition of spirituality. When you respect your partners, their needs, the dungeon, other’s play, that’s his kind of spirituality; being good to others. He believes that all spiritual systems are MAN-made constructs, with a zillion different paths of which SM is one, all leading to the same goal. He reassures us, by saying if we don’t find spirituality in our SM it’s irrelevant; if SM is just a tool its powerful in itself. Be good to each other and love, that’s his SM spirituality which he advocates for us.

Jay Wiseman asked the panel how do you measure spiritual growth. Robin was the first to tell him, by your own yardstick your own markers and Janis said that personal growth is never a given! Sidara is more demanding of her clients given her background in humanistic psychology. She urges her clients to become more loving in their relationships and she notices the ripple effects of this in the family, people becoming kinder, more thoughtful and stable.

She will push them insofar as they let her in. She finds that giving the person the pain they need she can indeed turn lead into gold, through the alchemical process of love. Another question came from Patty: “Which is the path? Top, bottom or switch?” The first answer was all. But then on closer reflection Race thought that sometimes the bottom develops faster because the top throws up a lot of walls and has a hard time surrendering.

MaryAnn brought out the importance of breathing to stay open as well as the spirituality in eye contact, which the panel hadn’t touched on. The audience reiterated the importance of rituals to cleanse a space, get on the same page, flick the switch and anchor.

Thanks to the panel for a wonderful, thought-provoking presentation. I can see why Sidara had to have three of those panels to air all the view points in the community. When’s the next one, Bob?

Posted with permission from Society of Janus
Ó Society of Janus http://www.soj.org