This program was a Panel Discussion on BDSM Relationships and what is Reality and what is Fantasy. The seven panel members were all excellent in their frank and thoughtful answers to members questions. The panel members were a Couple, Ernie and Pat, married since 1990 with a male top/female bottom relationship, a couple Eric and Deb who have known each other 5 years, are both bisexual and have an non-monogamous marriage, MaryAnn representing the singles, and Vanessa and Walter who have been married 16 years and are a female top/male bottom relationship.

The panel opened with each member telling a little about themselves and what the most important point of their relationships were. Pat started out by mentioning that communication is the most important thing in any relationship. You need to let your partner know what you like, how you feel about things, and what you want. You also need to discuss the needs and desires of your partner. Ernie stated that he left his previous wife because he wanted a Master/Slave Relationship and wasn’t getting it. He set out specifically to look for this type of relationship. Deb and Eric started out in a relationship that was both monogamous and vanilla. Deb, however, told Eric early on that she would like to work towards non-monogamy, and that she was into SM. Over the past 5 years they have worked on these issues to find a comfortable medium. Right now they are non-monogamous, but they also found out that though Eric liked some aspects of SM, they were not the same ones that Deb really enjoyed. Because of this, they rarely play together.

MaryAnn has been in the SM community for 4 years and knows what she wants. When asked when she brings up her interest in SM to a potential date partner, she said early because if they were not interested she was not going to waste her time dating them. She wants SM to be part of any of her relationships. Vannessa and Walter talked about the reality of a 24/7 relationship in that it is not all SM games. Reality sets in, there are always a life to live, chores to be done, and other items that are part of any life. Walter used the saying that Fantasy was the whip but Reality was the vacuum cleaner, meaning that you can’t play all of the time as their are chores that need to be done.

When asked how they manage to play one couple stated that they like to make dates for play or designate a dedicated playspace. During the questions and answer period just about all of the panelists talked about what an open relationship would mean to them. They almost all agreed that the advantages of an open relationship is that you can then indulge in areas that your partner doesn’t want to. I understand that all three couples have on at least occasions let another person into the relationship, usually as a short term play partner.

Another point that was stressed was that in a 24/7 relationship that the Top and Bottom are equals. Granted, the Top may make most if not all of the decisions, but will make decisions that are best for the bottom also. This may be hard concept to explain but the panel felt strongly about this point. Relationships may mean something different to different people and the panel stressed that this is what works for them but may not be for everyone. Each person must make the relationship work for them.

The panel discussion was outstanding. All of the panelists were excellent and give honest answers to the members questions. The members who attended seems to enjoy themselves and were universally disappointed when the discussion had to be ended due to lack of time.