You will need a name for your group- hopefully something less colorful than “The local adult sex gang’. You need this for 2 reasons- One, to have something to call it when you write e-mail announcements, and Two, so that new folks entering the restaurant can ASK for the group without fear of standing around looking for the kinky people.
Pick something that can be spoken without blushing. Something that can be announced over the loudspeaker if need be. Something innocuous. “The Computer Club” has worked for years in every city i have ever been in. “The Monday Club” is another nice one ( of course, use the day of the week you actually meet to avoid confusion). The Munch bunch is nice, and doesn’t out anything, but *might* be so normal sounding that outsiders could be confused.
Some groups also mark their tables at small restaurants so that you can see them from the door. A simple piece of plain rope by the “reserved” sign works beautifully. A glove, or even a leather rose. i once attended a vanilla event on a crowded public beach- the ladies hosting the event marked our picnic spot with black and blue balloons. It was a wonderful “in” joke.
Remind people that are new that YOUR name may not be your real one either- and that they can create whatever pseudonym they choose to use in the scene. Names are more often than not entirely fictional.
It varies all the time. Ages can range from from 18 through early sixties. All genders, sexual orientations, and BDSM preferences will eventually show up, and should be given equal respect and the same warm greeting.
Try to make contact with new faces as soon as you notice them. A warm handshake and a personal introduction around to one or two of the regulars is always nice. “Your kink is not as good as my kink” should NEVER be the first rule of a good hostess, although the occasional odd person looking for illegal connections (child molesters, etc.) should be asked to leave immediately and not return.
Some Munches are just chat- folks talk about whatever they feel comfortable with in small groups, or all at one table.
Larger Munches usually take on the “eat and meet”
system, letting people arrive, get food or drinks, eat, and then have an
informal “meeting” at a preset time later in the evening. The meeting can be as
simple as each person introducing themselves with their on line name/e-mail
address and what they “think” they identify as (Dom, bottom, switch, submissive,
crazy), or as detailed as how long they have been in scene and what other scene
related work they do (do they own a Dungeon? Are they a toy maker? A ProDom/me?).
Folks will want to know if they need to be “experienced” or have some kind of
“role”. Let all your guests know that everyone is invited, at whatever level of
experience or type of play. If you get contacted by a nervous newbie, offer to
sit them next to you and hold their hand till they get warmed up to the room.
Try to keep the “introductions” short (less than 1/2 hour total) and low key (quiet enough so that no one else in the restaurant outside of your group can hear you).
Some people come to Munches to “meet the meat” and use the place as their own trolling grounds. Other people find that they can ONLY meet new play partners comfortably at Munches, as the dungeon or other BDSM events seem too “pushy”. Remember, this IS a social gathering, and a wonderful place for folks to get to know each other. This is the gateway for many new to the scene to see that the players are not all dressed in tear away leathers and the women don’t have 8” stiletto heels on all the time. You can set the tone- and the rules- as you see fit. i personally suggest that while casual dating and first meetings at Munches are wonderful, do not let the occasional trolling Dom/me turn the event into his or her private fishing hole and cruise every newbie as they come in the door. It is uncomfortable enough for new people to go to an adult event, and their first few times should be as pressure free as possible.
Copyright
October 22, 2001 by shadow, all rights reserved.
i999shadow@aol.com
This document may be reposted and reprinted only in it’s entirety including
copyright and author contact **WITH PERMISSION from the AUTHOR**. Failure to
abide by the laws of common decency will result in inhuman revenge. Ask around.
i can do that. It will be painful.