Munches are frequently the first contact with “warm bodies, real people” for kinky people finding their sexuality. Some folks come after living out their fantasies only through fictional novels (you will get to know who they are fairly easily), while most will arrive having spent some time finding out what they are on line (known as VR- Virtual Reality). They are seeking the “next step”, making contact with others like them. Like you.
Some newbies are also long time computer players and are seeking to verify the players they have met on line. Munches are wonderful places for people to check the references of folks in the community and see that those who “claim” experience really have it.
Many established BDSM communities also like their munch to be their “vetting” system. This is the first place anyone new to the community MUST come before they can attend any other BDSM related event. The Munch system gives the community a place to “look over potential new members, get a chance to know them personally rather than as just as on line personalities, and decide if they like them enough to invite them to something more intimate/personal. Many dungeons will NOT allow anyone to come in off the street without having been cleared through the local “scene” Munch, even though they advertise the Dungeon in national magazines. It is another tool to protect the privacy and anonymity of the players inside.
LOCATION & FREQUENCY
Munches should, whenever possible, be held in public accessible places. Restaurants are great, for they provide safe, well lighted, comfortable venues for new people to safely explore meeting those in the scene. Coffee shop style sites are idea, for they remove any financial barriers that might make attendance difficult. Most everyone can afford a cup of coffee or a scoop of ice cream to enjoy while getting to know others.
Coffee shops are also perfect places for the deniability factor. MANY of the people in scene and out want some level of confidentiality. Maybe they have a high profile job to protect, maybe they have small children, or have other public issues. The reasons are varied- and they don’t matter. We respect each individuals right to control their level of exposure just as we respect their right to control their bodies or their property. For whatever reason, using a public space that seems “innocent” gives those coming to a Munch the deniability clause. Everyone can claim- successfully- that they were not at a BDSM event- they were in a public coffee shop.
The best possible restaurants are those with closed meeting rooms out of the way of the main dining hall. Especially for the larger Munches (several of which i know currently run over 30 people at a time), having that space helps lower the public profile of the group. 2 or 3 like minded folks sitting quietly at a corner table at a Denny’s works fine, but once you have a regular group of 12 or more, it helps to have some separate space. Large crowds draw attention from the vanilla folk, and that cuts down on deniability and might bring the wrong attention. Large crowds also make more noise and tend to be a bit more “rowdy” and loose. That impinges on the other patrons of the establishment- and is non-consensual inclusion of the public.
Having a private, separate banquet or dining room for your event also means that scene folks can feel more comfortable being “themselves”, they can socialize with others in their lifestyle roles rather than maintaining vanilla facades, and they can frequently do some discreet ‘sharing’ or show and tell about new toys or scars & piercings. It is hard to control that kind of interaction once it is admissible, so do try to keep it to a minimum.
Noise levels are not nearly as critical to privacy issues, and language can be slightly less restricted. Do remember, however, that this is STILL a public venue, and the staff should NOT be exposed to WIITWD without their consent.
Many Munches that have discussed the groups focus with the restaurant in advance, kept their members discreet, paid their bills with nice tips, and left the rooms clean have been not only welcomed back, but been given unusual leeway by those locals. Restaurants that are treated with respect can become so comfortable with BDSM folks that all drinks are gratis, staff are assigned exclusively to serve and clean up, or even allow fetish wear and give discounts to the BDSM regulars.
Having a regular meeting place is also vital for public postings and word of mouth. Many Munch notices may end up posted on servers and bulletin boards far away from the control of the host. If your Munch is held every Wednesday at XYZ Diner, people will expect that indefinitely. Your postings about a Munch will travel all over the net, and many will be permanently added to announcement lists you have no control over. Regular attendees will depend on you being there- come rain or shine- and quit checking for location or time changes. A Munch needs a permanent place and a regular time just as much as your local Police department needs a dependable phone number. Munches can frequently become the life line and the backbone of a BDSM community.
Frequency of Munches varies from place to place. Some are as often as every week, others only once a month, depending on the area and the attendance numbers. You might want to start out with a once a month Munch and then add dates as the attendance grows and folks show a preference for when it’s most convenient for them to come.
Copyright
October 22, 2001 by shadow, all rights reserved.
i999shadow@aol.com
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i can do that. It will be painful.